Last week we started our series, Intimacy in the Christian Marriage. I am writing this series as one Sister to another. I am confident that we could discuss the husband’s vital role in marriage, but I’ll leave that for someone else to do. The purpose of this series is for us to encourage one another in our marriages. Last week, when I concluded the first post, I asked this question, “So how are we to behave in this most intimate time of marriage?” In today’s post, we’re going to address this very question.

Now, onto this week’s post: How Then Should We Behave?

Before we address the details of our behavior, It’s essential for us to establish our role in the marriage. If we know “who” we are in our marriages, it helps us understand “how” we should act in our marriages.

Proverbs 18:22

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing,

The Scripture tells us that a man who finds a wife has found a “good” thing and “obtaineth favor” of the Lord. Proverbs 18:22 has been an instrumental passage for me in learning how I should conduct myself within the home. It’s important for us to remember that our daily lives should be a daily testimony of our faith in Christ. Our behavior should be in such a way that it is “good” and displays the “favor” of God!

In our home, we have consistently told our daughters that they are a princess (my Joe tells them their mommy is too). We don’t say this, so our daughters act like snobs. Instead, we want them to understand that once they give their hearts to Christ, they are royalty and should behave as such!  I think this is easy for us to tell our daughters, but somehow we forget it along the way. We need to remember we are a princess and we should behave as such.

1 Peter 2:9

But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light:

We are a royal people! Everything we do should look different! No matter what activity we are involved in we should be living as a daughter of the King, a princess!

How then should we behave intimacy

Do you know “who” you are in Christ?

Once we know “who” we are we can discover “how” we should behave!

I love that last part of the verse in 1 Peter. “that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light.”

It’s critical for the Christian marriage to be a continuation of showing forth the praises of God. Our marriage testimony should praise Him who has called us out of “darkness and into His marvellous light.”

Does your marriage bed resemble this Truth? It should!

As we continue to seek the Word for details on our behave let’s look at these passages of Scripture:

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her so that he shall have no need of spoil. Proverbs 31: 11-12 

House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: And a prudent wife is from the Lord. Proverbs 19:14

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: But she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews13:4 

With the above passages as a reference, what can we learn about our behavior?

First, let’s make sure that our conduct is “safe” for our husbands. We need to ask ourselves does my behavior cause my husband any harm, evil, or spoil?  Is the way I dress, speak, behave “safe” or does it lead them to dangerous thoughts and actions that cause them spiritual harm?  A practical example of this point would be to make sure you’re not allowing things of “darkness” into the bedroom. It’s okay to dress in a way that is attractive to your husband. It is not okay to dress in a way that resembles what the Scriptures refer to as a “strange” woman.

Secondly, we should understand that the application of being prudent in this area of our marriage will protect the future of our marriage. Just consider the definition of prudent, “Acting with or showing care and thought for the future.” Have you given thought to how you can be prudent in this area of your marriage?

  • A practical example in this area would be the multiple ways we can show careful thought for the future of our marriage through the present moment. Before you speak or act, ask yourself,  “how does this impact the health of our marriage?” Am I building my marriage up by my actions and words or am I undermining its foundation?  Am I tearing down my home with my own hands?

 how then should we behave

Intimacy in the Christian marriage was God’s idea; there should be no shame!

Lastly, we need to make sure that we are honoring the marriage union in all of our actions!  It’s vital that we do not want to undermine our marriage in any way. Each of us has been called out of the darkness and into His marvelous light! Therefore, we should not be doing or saying anything that brings shame! If there is shame in these intimate moments, it will only bring rottenness!

Genesis 2:25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Our moments of intimacy in marriage should show forth His praise! God created this act of oneness so that even in this we can declare His Glory!

As you consider these passages, does it help you see a clear picture of how you should behave when dealing with intimacy in the Christian marriage?

Thank you to everyone that took the time to write me. I am encouraged by the comments and messages that came through.I hope this series will give us the opportunity to answer those heart questions that are often too hard to ask. Please write me anytime privately or leave a comment. I want to see your marriage thrive.

In much love,

Mrs. Joseph Wood

All Scriptures were copied from The Holy Bible: King James Version. (2009). (Electronic Edition of the 1900 Authorized Version.). Bellingham, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.

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