Intimacy in the Christian marriage must be a subject I get asked about most. There’s a good reason for that. It is such a vital aspect of marriage and yet, the “older women” who were to teach the younger women how to love their husbands, and children have remained silent on the topic. Their silence has caused many to seek council apart from those that know Truth. We need to step up and help in this area. No matter how “old” we are, we are probably an “older” woman to someone.
So let’s see if I can help bring our attention back to Truth for the answers on intimacy in the Christian marriage.
There are so many personal factors that go into a subject like this. It usually’s best as a conversation one on one with each other. I will have to answer “generally” and pray that God uses this post to help you experience the beauty of intimacy that He created!
Intimacy: God is not silent.
God cares deeply about His people experiencing the pleasure of intimacy between husband and wife.
We were created to glorify God, and while it may seem odd to some or uncomfortable at first, we most definitely can glorify God in the marriage bed.
So, what does God have to say on this subject? How do we glorify Him in this area of our lives?
God has plenty to say!
It all started in Genesis!
Genesis 1: 27-28 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
The Holy Bible: King James Version. (2009). (Electronic Edition of the 1900 Authorized Version., Ge 1:27–28). Bellingham, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.
Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
The Holy Bible: King James Version. (2009). (Electronic Edition of the 1900 Authorized Version., Ge 2:18). Bellingham, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.
Intimacy in the Christian Marriage
Intimacy in the Christian Marriage is not merely a physical act. It’s about a spiritual and emotional connection as well!
God established the union of marriage between a man and woman from the very beginning. It is God’s plan for one man and one woman to be joined in marriage. This marriage is the establishment of a family unit in which children will be born and raised for His glory. However, that wasn’t his only purpose of creating this union! If you examine Scripture, you’ll see that God provides comfort through intimacy in marriage (Isaac comforted by Rebekah. Genesis 24:67). Other passages talk to us about the delight of intimacy (Song of Solomon 7:6-12), and others warn us of neglecting this area of our marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency
The Holy Bible: King James Version. (2009). (Electronic Edition of the 1900 Authorized Version., 1 Co 7:5). Bellingham, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.
Our faith should be seen in the intimate moments with our spouse.
God created us to “know” each other through this intimate act of marriage on a regular basis. So then, how does it become something beautiful and Holy when the World seems to have made it merely an act of human instinct with no rules, no boundaries, and its only purpose is self-satisfaction?
Friends intimacy becomes a Holy experience only when we direct our hearts to God. Yes, even thru the intimate moments between husband and wife.
When we turn off the lights, we don’t turn off our faith.
I have spoken to far too many women who have neglected this Truth in their marriage. For one reason or another, they find themselves incorporating the World’s ideas in their bedroom only to see themselves heartbroken and their marriages falling apart. Friends, we must allow God to rule our hearts and thoughts especially within the intimacy of our marriages.
Boy, there’s a lot for us to talk about on this topic isn’t there?! Make sure you send your specific questions to me, and I will include them anonymously in this series.
Here are a few questions that have already come in that we’ll be tackling in this series.
- “How are we to behave in this most intimate time of marriage?”
- “What is okay and what’s not okay in the marriage bed?” (This is probably the question that is asked of me most.)
- “How do I help my husband who struggles with pornography?” (Second most asked question)
- What if I don’t “feel” like being intimate with my husband?”
Are these a few of the questions you’ve had? Do you have other questions? Make sure you send me a message, and I will try to include your question in our series as well.
Join me for Intimacy in the Christian Marriage Part 2 on Monday.
With much love,
Mrs. Joseph Wood
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I’m really looking forward to this series. I was just praying to God about this this morning. Intimacy in the bedroom is something I struggle with a great deal. I saved myself for marriage even my first kiss was on my wedding day but my husband didn’t. There is a huge disconnect between us in this area and I hate that. But I don’t know what’s okay in the bedroom and what is a perversion brought on by pornography. There are things he wants that I’m not comfortable with but am I even allowed to feel that way? Are my hang ups things I need to work through or are his expectations unrealistic because of his years viewing porn and how do you tell the difference?
Hi Renee! This series may give you a more in depth answer so definitely keep reading, but I wanted to encourage you that you aren’t alone! The area of what’s OK and what’s not used to be a huge area of contention in our marriage. After a lot of wise counsel and prayer this is the conclusion we’ve come to: our consciences are God given so going against it would be sin. Although a specific sexaul act (we’ll call it x) may not be against my husband’s conscience he, as my husband, is called to present me as Holy and blameless to the Lord. So although the act of x may not be sin for him, doing x with me would be sin because he’s making me sin. It’s like in 1 Cor. (I think) where it’s talking about how we should not make the ‘weaker’ (in conscience) brother stumble. That being said, we have to be careful not to use that as an excuse to not do something just because it’s not or preference (because our bodies are no longer our own). I would encourage you guys to find an older couple that you guys feel comfortable talking about this with. It’s not an easy subject and it takes time but having a safe forum for you guys to discuss this would definitely help. Hope this helps 🙂
Also, themarriagebed.com is a super great Christian website about sex. It has tons of super helpful articles for just about every topic 🙂
As an older woman who has been married for 32 years and believes passionately that this subject is vitally important and needs to be talked about, I would not recommend themarriagebed.com site. I looked it over extensively and thought they have a good attitude and are very sincere but there is misinformation and a lack of discretion. I’m sorry to disagree but I felt violated after reading through the site even though there are some very good things on there. There is a book called, Solomon on Sex by Joseph C. Dillow, I found it on Amazon after it was recommended by a neat friend. It is beautifully written and goes through Song of Solomon and explains it. Wow, this amazing subject inspired from God Himself! I am eager to give it to our daughter shortly before her upcoming wedding and to our son in love to be. I believe this subject ought to be talked about as it is sadly not being embraced, enjoyed and cherished as God so kindly ordained, but we need to be so careful how we do so. May God turn each of our hearts to our husbands and may we give freely and willingly to them as God ordained and find great fulfillment and joy in doing so.
Thank you for sharing, Kelly! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Weddings are such joyous occasions. We just had one for our daughter Bethany on the 17th of May. I’m still smiling about all of the wondrous details!
I’m so looking forward to this series, Mrs. Wood! Thank you for writing and sharing on this topic. I find that most “older” women will not address it within the church body, and that makes it hard for us younger wives! When the only perspective you’re hearing is from the culture, it’s hard to embrace a truly Biblical point of view.
Can’t wait to read on Monday!
How much do you feel should be “explained” before a bride and groom get married. I’ve heard conflicting reports on this. Some say they need to know it all, some say you are violating their first time experience. If you have older children, how much have you explained as far as intimacy goes…all of it so they know what to expect or leave it to explore together? Thank you!
This is an excellent question and addressed in the final post that will be shared on Monday, Intimacy in the Christian Marriage part 5- Readers most FAQ. I hope you’ll join me.
The book ‘Passion Pursuit’ by Linda Dillow and Juli Slattery is far and away the most amazing book I have ever read on Christian intimacy. Any other book written on the topic always comes across as it is our ‘wifely duty’ to meet our husbands needs in this area, while completely neglecting the fact that God gave women intimate needs as well. This is the only book I ever recommend on the topic as I never once had an urge to throw it against the wall while reading it. Don’t judge, you know you’ve done it yourself.
🙂 Thanks for the book title. I have not heard of it but will look into it more.