Intimacy in the Christian marriage, part 4 is as important as the first three posts in this series. Quite often, women ask me, “What do I do when I don’t feel like being intimate, and he does?”
You’ve battled toddlers with tummy bugs, cleaned up the bathroom floor more times than you can count, had unexpected tasks that demanded your attention, not to mention, the laundry baskets that are overflowing and the sink is somewhere under a pile of dishes.
You’re still in the fight. You’ve determined that you’re going to accomplish the primary survival tasks for the day and go to bed with a clean house and happy family!
You plop yourself down in bed exhausted. Then it happens, you hear your husband’s request for intimacy. (Let’s be honest, you know what is on his mind before he even said a word.)
You’re at a crossroad.
How will you respond?
What do we do when we don’t feel like being intimate?
First, know this, chances are we’ve all been there at least once before. It’s not just exhaustion that gets us; it’s hormones, stress, medical issues, and the list could go on. Here are my three best tips to help you navigate those situations of intimacy.
Don’t let your marriage bed be the last thing on your mind. Instead, start the day with intimacy in mind. Make sure your commitments won’t interrupt this time with your spouse.
If there are areas of concern that keep you from feeling connected to your husband. Commit those to prayer and talk with others who can join you in prayer and support.
Communication is a HUGE component of intimacy. It’s essential that you communicate your needs to your husband and that he can communicate his needs with you. If you know you won’t be available for sexual intimacy, share that information with your spouse before the lights go off, so he’s aware of how you’re feeling.
What Does God Have to Say About Intimacy?
These tips don’t guarantee you won’t ever have this experience. Hopefully, what they do is help you navigate them successfully. As with so many other areas of marriage, intimacy is about each party esteeming the other person more than themselves. It’s about both parties remembering the sacredness of intimacy shared in marriage.
With that said, it’s vital that we don’t deny our spouse of this time of intimacy without careful consideration. In fact, the Scriptures say
1.Corinthians 7:4 “Defraud ye not one the other, except it, be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”
What’s interesting to me about this passage is that it uses the word, ‘defraud”. This word comes from the Greek word, apostero, which means to defraud, spoil, or rob. Oh, how many marriages we see in this state of spoilage!
Defrauding Our Spouses
Take a moment to think on this.
When we consider the actual meaning of this word, defraud, we can see the danger in not being honest with one another through intimacy. Maybe you’ve never done this. Perhaps you have and you’ve just never thought of it as defrauding your spouse. Here are some examples to consider.
- Pretending you’re asleep.
- Spoiling Intimacy by participating with a poor attitude.
- Robbing our spouse in intimacy because He didn’t do something we wanted him to do.
Chances are we can see dangers of defrauding our spouse through intimacy. Some of these dangers come as obvious and substantial issues; others are small and subtle yet just as destructive.
We can not deny the fact that healthy marriages include two individuals who cheerfully make themselves available to the other person.
We also know that we can’t do anything good on our own. Our marriages are a result of God’s goodness through us, not ours. Let’s not be deceived into thinking that we are the ones that create a delightful marriage bed. That is only a work that the Lord can do.
Keep your eyes on the Lord, seek His protection for your marriage bed, so that, Satan tempts us not for our inconsistency.
Remember, walk in patience and unity in Intimacy. There is much instruction for couples about being in agreement about finances, child training, or other life situations yet they fail to discuss the importance of unity in intimacy. If you didn’t have this conversation before marriage, it’s not too late to have it now.
I’m praying for our marriages. May God be glorified through them!
Until our next chat,
Mrs. Joseph Wood