Years later, I sat listening, with tears filling my eyes, as a woman shared that she hasn’t had any physical contact with her husband in years. “When did you stop touching?” I ask. The woman thinks for a moment and says, “I don’t know when it happened. It just happened over time.” She continues to share that she’s filing for a divorce. I walk away from the conversation humbled, quiet, and sad.

Science Shares the Importance of Touch

There are many different philosophies in parenting and unique needs in marriages. We all find what works for us and what doesn’t. My words are not intended to put someone else down, make anyone feel less than, or guilt anyone into another way of doing things. This is a post to encourage, inspire, and remind all of us about something so simple as touch, and its vital role in our lives!

When we purpose to build healthy relationships despite the time, work, investment, and even pain, we can have something more rewarding than one of the Worlds Seven Wonders. Just as the Great Wall of China took bricks, stones, and wood, there are many elements in building healthy relationships. Communication, trust, expressing love, loyalty, and touch are a few that I’ve found essential in my home.

The Power of Touch

Touch is an essential aspect of the development of human relationships. According to a study done in Oct. 2013 Psychology Today reports that gentle touch increases brain development. Another article, The Neuroscience of calming a baby, clearly states the vital role of touch. I encourage you to read that article if you’ve ever wondered why your baby begins to cry when you put him/her down! I found it a thought-provoking read.

These reports speak directly toward the infant stage of development.

From giving our children loving, affirming touch to touching our spouse, the importance of touch cannot be overstated; it is something we should be actively engaged in daily.

Types of Touching

The type of touching I am talking about builds each other up. It is done in a way that respects the other person’s needs and boundaries. It’s the gentle, encouraging, touch that builds healthy relationships. Participating in this type of touch teaches our children about safe and healthy, relationships.

If this sounds difficult, challenging or even foreign to you, you are not alone.

A worldwide study showed that many of us here in the US have a touching barrier that comes from our culture. The US couples observed touched two times per hour compared to Puerto Ricans who touch 180 times per hour! Research goes on to report that all humans are born with a need for touch. The lack of touch contributes to depression, anxiety, boredom, and loneliness.

So what do we do if we are not a “touchy” type of person?

How do we start developing healthy moments in our relationships with the power of touch?

First, We must be intentional to the act of loving touch to build strong, healthy relationships!

I want to give you a few ideas for touch in different stages of development and the relationships you might have.  Many of these suggestions can cross over into the next age group. Use this list as a springboard to start thinking of ideas that would be unique and special for your loved ones

Touch for Different Stages

Newborns: 

1. Make skin to skin contact part of your daily routine

2. Respond with a gentle touch, quickly, when your baby cries.

3.  Breastfeed

Infants

1. Hold them when they cry.

2. Make eye contact with them as you rub baby down with lotion or oil after a bath. Infant Massage is also beneficial.

3. Gently stroke their hair and face as you read a bedtime story and kiss them goodnight- Touching a child’s face builds trust between you and the child. Make sure that any contact you have with your child’s face is loving and gentle.

Toddlers: 

1. Play games with them on the floor- laughing, touching, and imagining together

2. Enjoy feeding each other snacks- to allow someone to feed you or touch inside your mouth takes a great deal of trust. If your child is uncomfortable with this at first keep trying in small, frequent, sessions. Always keeping in mind that you’re building trust through touch.

3. Cuddle just because

Elementary Age: 

1. Hold a child while you read to them

2. Randomly hold hands

3. Hold your child’s face in your hands and tell them how much you love them.

Teen years: 

1. Place your hand on their shoulder as they tell you about an event that’s happened. Don’t forget to make eye contact, with a smile!

2. Reach over and hold their hand when you’re driving, sitting, or watching a movie together.

3. Hug them before bed

Adult Children: 

1. Sit next to each other

2. Hold hands as you take a walk

3. Put your arm around them and tell them you’re proud of them.

Marriage:  

1. Kiss your spouse in a variety of places on the body, not just the mouth

2. Randomly touch your spouse, make eye contact, and offer words of affirmation

3. Touch, Feel and enjoy your spouse’s body for the sole purpose of being close together without the need for intimacy. (Of course, that is acceptable just not the purpose of what we’re talking about today).

4. Dance together

5. Make time for skin to skin contact

This week, our challenge is to offer loving and gentle touch to those that we cherish.

Don’t become impatient; healthy relationships aren’t built overnight. However, they are built by consistency. Let’s commit to the time and effort this rewarding task requires!

I am confident that if we do, we will build relationships more beautiful and lasting than any of the worlds seven wonders!

With much love,

Mrs. Joseph Wood

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As a mother of 11 children, you can imagine that I’ve heard just about every excuse for not eating new or healthy food! I’ve had many moms come to me in exasperation saying, I need help for my picky eaters.

As with all parenting, we must remember that we can’t dismiss the relationship aspect in this challenge. We must approach this issue in an attitude of love and support. Here are a few other tips that can be helpful.

Help for Picky Eaters

1. When serving the meal consider the size of your plates and the portions you’re serving. Did you use age-appropriate portions or did you use adult portions?  In our culture today, many of us have lost the perspective of what a serving or portion is. It’s not uncommon for our portions to actually be two and three times more than they should.  We can teach good eating habits when we become aware of the servings on our own plates and start dishing up the proper portions.

2. When offering a new food to the family, consider the natural tendency to reject anything new. To prevent this obstinacy, talk about trying this food out at least two weeks in advance. Have the child help you find recipes for the new ingredient (use the internet for photos that make the dish look inviting). Have the child help in the kitchen as you cook. Finally, don’t neglect these moments to share memories of your personal experience trying new foods.

3. Don’t insist that they “eat it all” all of the time. I’ve found there are times that I require my children to “eat all” of something, however, most of the time I give my children choices. This is what you might hear at my table:

Child: “Mommy, do I have to eat my tomatoes?”

Mommy: “No, you don’t. However, if you don’t eat your tomatoes, you don’t eat again until dinner time. No snacks or treats.”

OR I might say,

“No, you don’t. How many do you think you could eat cheerfully? Let’s try to eat that many.”

OR I have often been heard saying,

“No, you don’t. However, if you don’t eat your tomatoes, you have to eat all your onions (or another food that has nutritional value).

Stop the Food Fight

Did you notice how I started each of my replies with, “No, you don’t”? Wording our replies wisely is vital. Make sure that your first response tells your child that you are there to help them make good choices. Quite often, when we speak carefully, we can avoid power struggles with our children.

Giving choices helps in those times when I say, “Yes. Today, Mommy wants you to eat all your tomatoes.” I’ve found that giving choices and making sure I keep a good healthy dose of flexibility, has proven very successful to overcome the “food fight” with my picky eaters. Of course, if I have a child being defiant, I will require they practice obedience. I do my best to make sure we avoid these challenges at the table. I’m confident that the table should be a place of trust, offering good growing experiences with fun conversation and happy memories.

I will choose to work on my child’s obedience in other areas so that food doesn’t become a fight.

Have these ideas been a helpful springboard? Do you have more ideas to offer? I am sure our readers would love to hear what works in your home as well!

Until our next chat,

Mrs. Joseph Wood

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I’m talking about making deliberate decisions to live in the present moment nstead of steamrolling past them. It’s the type of living that requires us to ponder the goodness tucked into each task. It’s mastering the art of living with a spirit of gratitude. Gratitude for the butterfly that flutters around the grandbabies as they play. Appreciation for the breeze that blows or the shade a large maple tree provides in the heat of summer days. It’s experiencing ordinary moments that would go unnoticed if we didn’t pause and capture the beauty and value they contribute to our lives.

Don’t be like some who confuse ordinary with mediocre. Ordinary moments are a canvas of opportunity revealed to each of us at a specific moment in time. So how do we maximize them to create the life story we want to live out?

Three tips for an intentional life.

Say no more; say yes less.

Warren Buffet said, “The differences between successful people and very successful people, is that the very successful people say no to almost everything.”

I think we could benefit from applying this strategy to our daily lives as women, wives, and mothers. If you’re like me, you might question every “no” that you muster up the courage to speak. You second guess yourself and wonder if you’re being selfish or question your priorities.

Let me stop you right there and share how I overcame that battle in my mind.

When I need to say no,  I tell myself, “Every no you give, gives you 100 ways to say yes.” Yes, I can keep the family schedule on track, yes, I can get to bed on time, yes, I can keep up with the laundry, yes, yes, yes!

As a young mom who struggled to say no, I remember driving to deliver a meal to someone in the church who was sick; I was completely frazzled. My home was a wreck, and my children were cranky. I prayed, “Lord, I’m trying to be a blessing; please help me in this.” As I continued to pray and finally made my way home, I began to realize that just because Jeanette has a good idea, it doesn’t mean that God’s blessed the plan. I have to say no more and yes less.

Cultivate a positive mindset. 

Many of us are familiar with the famous quote from Iron Lady, “What we think we become” In fact, the entire phrase went like this,“Watch your thoughts for they become words. Watch your words for they become actions. Watch your actions for they become…habits. Watch your habits, for they become your character. And watch your character, for it becomes your destiny! What we think we become.” There is nothing new under the sun is there? The Scriptures tell us to think on what is pure, lovely, and a good report.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

We can purpose to think about these things that are pure, but what do we do when those negative or cynical thoughts invade our mind without an invitation? Friends, God’s been good to give us instruction in this area too. It’s in these times that we must take our thoughts captive. 2 Cor 10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

The Scriptures go on to tell us that our words have the power of life and death. Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

If we want to begin living more grateful filled lives, then we need to start with our thoughts!

Unplug.

I share this point last just in case some of you overachievers take action promptly and unplug immediately. I want to make sure you read the rest of the post. HA! Just teasing you all, but seriously we won’t ever be able to fully live in the moment if we are even unconsciously aware that people may be contacting us be it by phone, social media, or email. I remember the awkward feeling when we lived off the grid, and I knew no would be stopping by unannounced, calling, or needing me to reply to an email. It was surprising how much more I accomplished with ease. I deliberately schedule the time to unplug to this day, and you know what? I never regret it, in fact, I find that I crave more of it.

Friends, it’s time for us to stop talking about living an intentional life. It’s time for us to stop talking about being fully present and living more grateful. It’s time for us to do it! How will you start maximizing on the ordinary moments of your life? I think I’ll start by sharing a bowl of ice cream and giggles with one of my children.

We could add more tips to this list, couldn’t we? Post your suggestion in the comments. I would love to hear from you.

Until our next chat,

Mrs. Joseph Wood

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What is an allowance?

I think most of us know what an allowance is yet; we may define it differently which I’ve learned can create some unnecessary debate. The dictionary defines an allowance as, “give (someone) a sum of money regularly as an allowance.” Allowances are given for position, not for performance.

Should I give my child an allowance?

As we answer this question, let’s remember that parenting is as unique to us as our fingerprints. We have similarities that bring us together, and we have differences that can divide us if we’re not careful. It’s always an encouragement when we share what has worked in our homes and what hasn’t with an appreciation of our uniqueness.

There are many variations to allowance as each family works to find what is best for them. According to Psychology Today, the three most popular forms of allowance are as follows.

3 Most popular forms of allowance

• No Chores Necessary- Parents often use this method to “teach” their children about money. Giving them a set amount (usually on a weekly basis) without any requirements or expectations on how they receive the money. Many times parents do set parameters on how they spend the money. As pointed out in the article, Should you give your child an allowance? Children may learn that money comes from authority as a gift. Is this what we want to teach our children?
• No Allowance At All- Other families choose not to give any allowance at all. Children are expected to work in the home as a contributing member of the family. Lewis Mandell believes that to train children in financial responsibility they should never be given an allowance. You can read more about his years of study in this article printed in Time magazine, “Why giving kids an allowance may not be teaching them anything.” 
• No Free Money- is a method some families choose in place of a typical allowance. Instead, of a child being given money for their position in the home they are given money for their performance in tasks. Correctly used, this method has the potential for teaching our children that their work is valued. Being careful that we don’t accidentally teach our children that all work has monetary rewards.

As we look at all the variations to how families have applied allowances in their home, it opens up the discussion to more questions.

What does an allowance teach our children?

Teaching our children financial responsibility is an essential aspect of child training.  None of us want to see our children struggling financially. I firmly believe that we are teaching our children more lifelong lessons than we realize, especially in the area of money. For example, US News points out the dangers of allowance and the “me” generation in their article, How to reduce kids’ sense of entitlement in a “me” generation. It’s easy for allowance to give children a sense of entitlement rather than responsibility especially if the parents haven’t carefully considered the management of allowances. We can’t overlook the dominant application of allowance in our children’s lives.

Were we created to work?

YES! Yes, yes!

I didn’t always understand this truth.

I grew up most of my life thinking that work was a curse.

It was something I “had” to do and worked hard to finish so I could have the weekend “off.” I worked for vacations and soon started to resent how much work I had to complete for that brief time off.

It wasn’t until I was an adult that the Lord showed me that work was a blessing. I still remember the amazement in my morning devotions as I considered this idea that God has wrapped every blessing given to us in “work.” Just think about it. God gives the Israelites the promised land but first, there was the journey and the battles. God tells us that children are a reward, a blessing to us, and yet they arrive with work (labor) and take work to care for from that day on! I started to see countless examples through Scripture of work and blessings being joined hand in hand.

5 Areas of human work

Theology of Work describes five specific areas of human work laid out in the Scriptures.

• Dominion
• Relationships
• Fruitfulness/growth
• Provision
• Limits

It’s an interesting article that takes a look at what it means to work in God’s image as well as how God has equipped us for work. One of my favorite passages is in Genesis 2:7-9; 15

Genesis 2:7-9; 15

And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living soul. And the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden, and there he put the man whom he had formed.  And out of the ground made the Lord God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil. And the Lord God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.

The Holy Bible: King James Version. (2009). (Electronic Edition of the 1900 Authorized Version., Ge 2:7–15). Bellingham, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.

What impressed me most about this passage was that God placed Adam in the garden to work before sin entered the world. I don’t know why I had always thought that work was a curse for our sin.

Were we created to work?

Yes, absolutely!

How can I teach my child financial responsibility?

As Dave Ramsy points out in his article, Why your kids don’t need an allowance, children learn by example. I know I’ve taught my children more than I realize over the years. To listen to them now as adults sharing what they “learned” is humbling and at times funny. Had I known they were absorbing as much as they were, I hope I would have been more intentional.

It’s been most surprising, how it wasn’t the “big” vacation or well thought out lessons that they remember most. Instead, it’s been the small, everyday activities, which I didn’t even realize they were committing to memory. Because of this, I want to encourage you to invest your time in your daily example. Talk about your struggle to not shop impulsively and how you set up safeguards to keep you accountable financially. Let them see you budget the grocery money and make choices not to overspend. In my experience, those moments will teach them more than a structured curriculum

Resources to teach financial responsibility.

There are some resources we have used in our home. I’ll list those for your consideration below. Please remember that when you shop through our blog, we are given a small percentage of your sale through our affiliate partner. It adds no extra cost to you but is a blessing to us. Thank you in advance for how you support us.

• Financial Peace Junior is a game designed to help you teach your kids about money. Packed with tools, resources and step-by-step instructions for parents. Ideas for activities and age-appropriate chores are included.
• The Opposite of Spoiled a practical guidebook with a value-based philosophy. Identifying a set of traits and virtues that embody the opposite of spoiled. The author shares how to embrace financial responsibility and help parents raise kids who are more generous and less materialistic.

To give an allowance or to not give an allowance that is the question.

In my opinion, no you shouldn’t give your child an allowance, but you should provide opportunities for him/her to earn money. We want to ensure extra work opportunities in the home where they can apply their talents and learn new skills. Our children should learn they are paid for their performance and develop the character of doing all their work without arguing, grumbling and as unto the Lord. God’s got a lot to say on this subject of work and compensation for our work, both physically and spiritually. Take some time to do a topical study with your family and grow together. You’ll be glad you did.

It’s your turn now.

What do you think?

Should I give my child an allowance?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Until our next chat,

Mrs. Joseph Wood

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